we didn't have a tv
my dad is a raging alcholic
my mom is an ocd - fixing that house and brushing her hair in the room most if not all of the time.
we moved to fairview at my sire. It was a good house with a five foot deep twelve by four rectangle of a swimming poole. psuedo living
at six, moved in with my mom's brother and his family of two kids then rene! argo, sebastian
Stll having hard time shitting - cousins let me manage who wasn't mean to me
My dad was a bit sober, we were happy those times for a while went to kindergarten
at seven, we had the whole house all to us and my mom and dad royally lie hell. my dad beat me. jealousy over my mom's sexy clothing
she dresses sexy
we live in ghetto flooded manilla by the market
liberation
my grandma is always with me. she loves me a lot. she takes me to the market and always gets complimented by the seller because my grandma is the best person in the world bar none to me
The call me 'alaska boy' from the milk commercial because they say i'm itsory - or white boy. I was a handsome kid with beatles hair. So when i went to the states, i was more like a mexican
Little by little the house grew empty and so when my grandma and aunts left, as my grandma tied. early on when we moved to tins house
from the motel, he went home with the blanket. they laugh at this story
I was having phobia shitting shitting still
my breath is dying from the smog and the smokers in the house
i hear my family tease my aunt's suitors calling them names my dad protected his sisters from suitors, but not from him. He is violent drunk, and i was disciplined by spanking
My recollection of my mom was she's in school the first out or enjoying single life she came from pretty descent home and only girl. she played 'this little piggie"
I this point, i feel that I'm being passed around by all the twenty people in the house since i was ato first grandson, first nephew, first child
four or five, me and my sister got our picture taken professionally by a door to door photographer
I like peeing outside. the window
is planted
we also have a s... in this house believe it or not
Mom and dad fighting. dad an alcoholic, bum, gambler, womanizer, proabably gay. had sex when he was seven. Once he phoned to my uncle that he is feeling a girl and my uncle had requested a blanket soap and massage.
Now that I have a stitch on my abdomen that's why no matter how i try i will have this probably because it was in early side of my life
my dad once when my friend was at my house - his name is gerald - lied taunted and he told me to get the curtain rod and beat the neighbor, and so i did and my dad he was happy.
age five - i flew time the seventies waden life and hit the underchir lift and my left cheek cut apart. I got separated from society the second time
I remember them throwing a party for me.
The moment i felt i was raped
age two to three - sexual with our neighbors daughter - same age as me.
my dad always fighting
slept at thier feed in the bed probably being six
there were about twenty people in the three bedroom house
dad was a drunk
mom claimed my dad raped her
had hernia they say
four - got operated because of hernie they said i had three balls. they displayed the third ball on a bottle of cheezwhiz
my grandma who i love telling the story of how i went to bill those people who operated
I have been thinking... that's all i do.. why is everything drifting away and i'm still here? am I a blackhole that sucks everything and vomits everything out in an abstract confusion? Even though I've been sitting in this apartment for some five days or so... barely moving... I'm still tired. I only think of myself. selfish not by choice but of origin. My lonliness grows the black and empty has blurred my vision and I have to imagine a light that doesn't mean anything but a contrived mystery.
a coffeeshoppe deli that will give opportunity for hardworking filipinos to experience running a business establishment to cater to all people through our own distinct customer service and flavor. We would use recycled fixtures to bring out an atmosphere and showcase poetry, music, and art of filipino descent artists living in the bay area. bring about positive energy and expand their horizon in enriching ourselves with our fading cultures through expressions appropriate to the evolving times
My Day
I lose my mind the moment I wake up too early for my liking.
Going through tropical depression on the rocks. On a holiday ... make it a double then chase it with a beer from jamaica
i got sidetracked
Gardened for my black gay neighbor paul who drives a fading mercedes like him like me I feel a stick in my ass. somebody pull it out. Then I drove down international avenue and went window shopping for hookers i would pick up, but it was familiar. i'm fighting this charlie sheen addiction
I keep so many things to cover the truth... i am a soft person
i once had energy it was about fun now that my life is losing its vitality i hope to get some of that energy running
end of the world didn't happen
I woke up today from a long sleep. my son marley graduated from preschool. He was the only one who cried, and got up towards me as I was part of the paparazzi taking pictures. I was somewhat bothered by this but i tried my darn best to not bring it up to him. Like he did some failing at his age. He might be the one who's right about this situation.
I would feel uncomfortable to be paraded to parents by teachers. Demonstrated their knowledge of ABC and songs. Then after the presentation with their togas. He stopped crying again and I have to hide myself and when the cermony was done. He was the most playful. I'm seeing a lot of me with this son since he is the only one near me. I see how he needs more confidence and stillness at situations like these. I pray that he will be aillright. Guess he has to go through like most of my children. I'm not so much of an example to kids because i am myself a kid. Deserve still care by adults.
Of how I still don't have a stable life. It's always an obsticle to our relationships because they can't take me so seriously. To them, I had nothing to give, and if that's what they think, then I'll be damned. It was a week of reaching out. I've rested a little, and I'm getting some stillness. Today, I thought myself a god. Walking down the flea market down that college, and on the way home, I saw a swim watch and thought of those kids - competing and to show their superiority on each other.
I enjoy the team who obviously looks because the girl who swam were small and still strong through inner thighs. On the boys' team, the black boys won.
They are indeed physically superior and is they go, i hope they don't fall because it would be a long fall down. I still have fantacies of being homeless even though I'm doubtful if I would be able to survive.
I am both excited and scared of this though. Rest my uncle told me. Be positive. Jen told me. You are loved and don't be mean to yourself kristen tells me. cut your hair my mama told me. I'm studying lana tells me. You are god I tell myself.
I am coming down at the moment. Maybe the weed really gives me the jitters. I would try to smoke a little .... i've been floundering this week.
my thin skinny ass sits in a whole that leads to a whole and to who knows where. The dramatics of oakland asn as far as your concrete mind can imagine.
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