Name Me One Philosopher Who Was ...

In a pinch, she'll use verdana - although century gothic is her first love.

she was thinking about that other thing she loved yesterday... those long roads and the heat of the sun and trees and just wandering.  

Wilmington.  She loved it because everything good that had ever happened to her - happened there... and she'd had bad things happen in plenty of places including ilmy.  

Flashes now of what she was trying to remember as her brain recalls images but it's all in the swoon of love for Other right now.  But the images are there - the stormy sky in dawn... the final fence that was like those cards ... and how it was like living art.

Her father was a writer too (why does he always get mentioned in all lover stories)...  but she had read his attempts at writing and liked to think that she would take a note from him and absolutely NOT degenerate into a throbbing throbbing need and document it... but shit, perhaps she'd already done that when she'd written on that happyrobot site... whingefests

whingefests followed her throughout the heavens.

She was thinking and feeling of jettisoning the crutch of a mate - freeing them both - or bringing him or something - but transforming.

She was thinking of transfmorming.
Here in the pink morning dress like pepto bismal
sitting in a cold cool suburb of a great western usa town.

coffee and c

and oh and oh the prospect of home.

aftermathmatiques

holy shit
yes.  it seems all now lost.  just the wading through.  we attempted to sort of get back together, but it was without any truth or trust, so it vanished the minute something else came along

last ditch efforts

and so as you could imagine, last ditch efforts are enabled to get the FEELING back into your arms again.  will he once again caress you at every step or still get distracted by every passing fancy.  right now, the hunt for oblivion.

therapy

not doing anything much different than before except totally tamping down the feeling that i am a worthless piece of trash.  i sorted through that a bit and i am aware that i am a person here just like you.  if you can do it, so can i.  watching romantic comedies now as the sun fades.  my problem has always been that i do not like to distract myself and be motivated by fear but i choose to be motivated by desire and love.  it is a big one for me.

reaming

and why shut me out from all of it?  why - when you have left me - do you do things that we could have done together or you could have done simultaneous to being with me?  why was i your jailor and your bad mommy and your annoying looker?  why could i not be a partner to you?  i was looking forward to a life with you.  when you didn't even bother doing anything - anything - anything different regarding me.  when you lashed out at me as the enemy.  i shut down.  why would there be a mystery there.  i love you.  you are a creative genius.  you - when you are nice - are the most amazing person.  do you know why i didn't like to go to dinners or to go out with you?  because you would leave me in silence not even being able to talk to me like you'd talk to someone you just met at a rodeo.  i noticed.  it hurt.

a touch

a touch that's nourishing so gentle yet felt. love is love.  meaning is confused and hidden by the pain.  a touch that is inflicted like a knife.  it cuts.  it cuts deep.  but love . it doesn't bleed.

to carry her on our wedding night.
hope despite my broken back
from the pain instilled by the demon
to be able to stand straight
timeless
evolution
to walk with dignity in the aisle of purity
to meet the love
to fulfill her with gentle thrusts
and overflowing sweet energy
untainted.

and ampersand

and you couldn't do any of that with me.  you couldn't join a gym or go to frisco or move or work with old people.  all of it was my fault?  i cried when i packed your stuff.  i know that i am not like you - that i do not jump and frolic and sing in the streets and wonder how godlike i am...  


i love your spirit and your sense of fun.  you just stopped breathing when you were with me, and i never understood that you were with me...