my heart is broken. i have lost the man who i gave my heart to and it ripped me up. even though it seemed an inevitability, i still love him and want him to feel happy and safe and grounded in himself. I want these things for myself too, and i had thought we could share a build. two halves do not make a whole. i am no prize pig in this race. escape from our feelings of confusion. never really cementing with each other and saying "i know who you are, and i will love you through this sadness and pain.."
we all feel pain and sadness. i know. some of us have hearts that feel too much and it makes us overload and any sign of deception forces us to retreat to the demon that we have grown accustomed to. imagine my disgust at the elation i felt that we were being real - even in the midst of horrible horrible words. he woke up the next morning and said over and over 'i'm so sorry'. but it was over. he was already somewhere else.
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