a gray kitten staring at me from the birthday card under the silver mini fifties tree.
minutiae
as my heart is breaking and i am an full on self-destruct familial mode
and i think of this kiwis and i think of the mimosas he did not make for me
and the company we did not have at our house and the love that we
used to fuse our ragemachine
plagued. did i do something to make it fuck up? he did go to the store and buy me things he did try to do everything i asked
once the trust turned to enemies living in the same home
ouch
and i ponder my life without you and it makes me gently sob but luckily i've taken a pill and opened a bottle of wine at nine amperus meridian and hopefully i will just fuck out this day
he put so much emphasis on work
was that me?
feeling like 'that would be great, but i have to relax before work'
that alone time strange thing
what do i really do in my alone time - such fabled alone time
i basically write and thus weave fantasies about who I am and justify my existence or i abuse wine beer ciggs and stare off into space
tea is boiling
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